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Spinning Dog
For me at the moment the hardest things are going to bed and getting up in the morning. In the morning when I wake up I can't think of a single thing to motivate me to move. I'm sure this is why God invented the full bladder. Once I am up and about, it's much easier for one thing to follow another, and I'm keeping myself pretty busy: yoga and dance classes, meditation, writing this, going on walks, zoom chats, TV, providing my parents with a bafflingly undending stream of IT support. That's a pretty standard day. Then I get to night time and somehow the journey from sofa to bed seems like the longest walk of all. Last night I stopped watching Better Call Saul at 11pm and I still didn't manage to switch my light off before 1.30am. I futz around on the internet for literally hours, doing a bit of sudoku here, taking a Words With Friends turn there, scrolling through Twitter in the hope that I will see anything, anything at all that will distract me for long enough that I don't have to give in and go to bed. When I talk to friends with babies who scream and scream at bedtime I think, yep, that's me, I am that baby. The only difference is that I can look at a Vulture feature on all of Paul Rudd's movies, ranked, and the baby can't. The only thing I don't understand is why I don't want to go to bed at night, given that when I am in bed in the morning, I don't want to get out of it. My bed must be very confused about the terms of our relationship. Meanwhile I'm having the same two dreams every night. In one of them, I am going on a long journey. And in the other one, I am pregnant. So, really, on the level of meaning, they are the same one dream. And why would I expect to have different dreams at night when every day is exactly the same? What my subconscious seems very keen to tell me is: you are in limbo. You are on your way somewhere. One day, you are going to get there. One day things will be different. But for now it's all in flight turbulence and morning sickness. Hey, subconscious: I KNOW. I'm afraid that's all I have for you today. Creatively speaking, I am this dog:
I will try to drop my tail and rustle up a nice juicy bone for you by next week. Have a good weekend everyone!
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