David Tennant Dreams

As longer-term readers might know, I have a bit of a thing about David Tennant. I have previously summarised the current situation of my love for him here. I don’t wang on about him quite the way that I used to, because I think that his getting married and having five children might have been his way of telling me that he’s not interested, but I still enjoy watching him on TV (the entire pandemic might have been worth it just because it inspired the show Staged*) (*no it wasn’t) and I still dream about him. I don’t mean daydream. I mean I actually dream about him. A lot.

Now, I know that it’s generally egregious to tell people about your dreams, but there’s something unusual about my David Tennant dreams, and it’s that they seem to be forming a coherent narrative over time. Whereas my other recurring dreams (having to take my A Levels again, being behind the wheel of an uncontrollable vehicle, having to pee somewhere unusual and unsuitable for peeing) are just variations on a theme happening over and over again, my David Tennant dreams have been telling me a linear story of our evolving relationship over the course of the last 17 years.

In the first dream that I remember about David Tennant, all that happened was that I was in a car, and he was in a car, and we drove past each other.

The next few dreams were similar. I’d catch a glimpse of him in a railway station, or going up an escalator. Sometimes he saw me, sometimes he didn’t.

Eventually I met him at a party and we exchanged a few words. It was exciting for me. Less so for him, because in a subsequent dream, at a subsequent party, he forgot that we’d ever met and I had to remind him.

Gradually, over time, from dream to dream, David Tennant and got to know each other better. We spent more and more time talking, actually arranging to meet and hang out, and our conversations became deeper and more intimate. I can’t remember the content of any of these conversations because I am not a shaman and I don’t remember my dreams that precisely, but I do remember waking up one morning and thinking, huh. In my dream life, David Tennant and I are really good friends now. I did not anticipate this development.

The other thing I can tell you, though, is that through all this, I still fancied the arse off him, but he didn’t - or refused to - notice. It was frustrating.

And yet! Two years ago we finally kissed! This, after a dream courtship lasting approximately fifteen years. And guess what? The kiss was TERRIBLE. No chemistry at all. I woke up furious with myself. I yelled at my subconscious: Subconscious! You had my entire imagination to play with and that was the best you could come up with? You’re not a prude! You’ve dreamt about sex before! You are more than happy to make me have sex with people I don’t actually want to have sex with in real life! You once made me have sex with John Craven! What the FUCK was THAT?

Subconscious didn’t reply. Subconscious went into a sulk and refused to give me any more dreams about David Tennant, presumably because the kiss was so awkward and awful that even in a dream, David Tennant was too embarrassed to see me again.

Until last night. And I feel like I’ve been watching this show for years and then accidentally missed an entire season, because would you believe it? David Tennant and I are now living together! David Tennant and I sleep in the same bed, snuggled together like one of those adorable pictures people post of their pets.

And it’s platonic. He STILL doesn’t want to bang me. In fact last night he introduced me to two of his girlfriends - dream David Tennant is not married with five kids - and they were kind of surprised to see me there in his bed but they didn’t really mind because it was so obvious to them that nothing was going on between us.

Why am I telling you this? I don’t really know, except, seriously, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH MY SUBCONSCIOUS? Why doesn’t my mind want me to be happy?! In my real life, when I’m awake, I’m 45 years old and single, so obviously I spend my life fancying married people and keeping an appropriate distance. I should at least be able to enjoy them IN MY OWN IMAGINATION.

Jeez.

But I have a plan.

Years ago, I used to have a recurring dream that I was going to New York, but I never actually made it there. I would see New York on the horizon, I would be just about to arrive, I would be so happy and so excited, and then I would wake up. Then, in real life, I went and lived in New York for three months, and I stopped having the dream.

It’s pretty obvious what needs to happen for the David Tennant dream to go away.

Your move, David.